“Single” and “Lonely” Can Be Mutually Exclusive.

I always thought it was bizarre that we called it “being single” since, realistically, you are always physically, mentally, and emotionally single. Even when we’re immersed in a relationship, we’re technically single. So I’m curious as to why this label has become something that sometimes holds negative connotations.

Being single can be completely liberating, since there’s a lot of freedom that comes with it, as well as a lot of energy and space for deeper exploration of ourselves. That being said, yes, it can be really lonely sometimes, especially when you come home to visit your friends and they all have significant others, or when you’ve failed at something you really wanted and reject yourself, or when you’re pms-ing and you make the colossal mistake of watching The Notebook which, by the way, you’re a liar, Ryan Gossling, because no one behaves like that without receiving a restraining order.

Looking around and seeing a lot of the people who I love be in love is inspiring, yet there’s that tiny, discouraged voice in the back of my mind that reminds me of how not in love I am, then punishes me for not finding “the one” yet. (Which, I think there could be like 6 million “ones” but that’s for another post). What I think we need to remember is that just because we’re not in love with a person, doesn’t mean that we can’t be in love with the world around us, and the striking, imperfect, beings that we are. There are so many different things that we can channel our passion into, and it isn’t limited to romance. Sometimes being a tiresome perfectionist, I spent so much of my life convincing myself that a relationship was the last building black to the unrealistic framework of my “perfect life.”

Anddddd, I was wrong as fc*k.

After several crash and burn relationships, mostly based on the need I had to satiate my craving for a void to be filled, I’ve come to realize that being single isn’t a curse or something to be ashamed of the way it’s so often portrayed in pop culture.

Being single is not synonymous with being lonely, we make it that way with our beliefs and understanding of intimacy.

It’s actually one of the best gifts that you can give to yourself. It presents an opportunity for you to get to know yourself, your triggers, your desires, boundaries, and patterns, that way when you enter another relationship, you’ve got more clarity about what you’re actually looking for. Being in a relationship is also not going to fix every issue you’ve ever had, or give you the contentment we’re all striving for, and if those are your reasons for entering one – it may end up being an unhealthy distraction and you may want to revisit your rationale.

You aren’t going to be lonely forever. Maybe just for now, and that’s okay, because like every other feeling, it’s fleeting. It isn’t going to follow you through your days and nights like a long, empty hallway in a vacant house. If you allow it to, it’s going to move through you, integrating itself, then dispersing again outwardly. Loneliness gives us relativity, and it allows us to appreciate the gifts of closeness, knowing, and intimacy that we receive when we finally enter a new relationship.

We just need to be patient with ourselves, and learning to love and rely on ourselves when we’re feeling disconnected, rejected, or alone is a priceless investment in ourselves.

Don’t be afraid of loneliness, it’s only temporary.

 

10 Things to Know Before Traveling Abroad

Once part-time job hopping, and post-grad what-the-fc*k-am-I-doing-now meltdowns start to eat away at you, traveling might be an option worth exploring while trying to figure it all out. Hands down, travel is one of the most growth-provoking, perspective-shifting, hangover-inducing things you can do for yourself during your lifetime. It’s the one thing that won’t send you away because you don’t have enough experience or degrees. Continue reading “10 Things to Know Before Traveling Abroad”

What Obama’s New Proposal for Free Education Could Mean For Us.

For many of us, college debt is one of the most universal and crippling issues currently facing our generation. Those of us who have chosen to attend or have been lucky enough to afford university are swimming in debt, caught between “needs more experience” and “needs more schooling.” Continue reading “What Obama’s New Proposal for Free Education Could Mean For Us.”

We Need to Have More Uncomfortable Conversations. Here’s How to Have Them.

I was once given some advice and it went something like this, “Never discuss politics or religion and you’ll have friends for life.” Continue reading “We Need to Have More Uncomfortable Conversations. Here’s How to Have Them.”

Resolutions That We’ll Follow, Like Eating More Pizza.

It’s New Year’s Day. Happy Hangover!

In the spirit of making New Year’s resolutions that we will probably not be committed to, I’ve decided to try a different approach to something that I love. I’ve been neglecting my blog like most people are going to neglect their gym memberships in February. (Oh look, a New Year’s gym joke..see what I did there?) Continue reading “Resolutions That We’ll Follow, Like Eating More Pizza.”